suppose's &what if's

June 10, 2010

As everyone knows, I really like children, haha. I was at the beach with my friends the other day. I didn't want to shower again (lazy, I am T_T) so while my friends played in the ocean, I walked back and forth on the shore just praying & thinking. As I was doing this, I saw this little boy, probably about 2 or 3 years old, standing near the ocean in his swim trunks. His parents were already in the waters and were beckoning to him. He had this look of desperation on his face and it was obvious that he wanted to be where his parents were, but was too scared to go into the waters. He stood near the ocean, looking like he wanted to cry, and slowly made his way into the ocean, going in, and then backing out, while his parents continued to beckon to him with arms open. They weren't very far into the ocean, he probably just had to take a few more steps and would've been in their arms, but still the fear of the waters kept him from running in. After a lot of coaxing on his parents' part and hesitation on his, he finally slowly made his way to where his mom picked him and carried him in the safety of her arms, making sure the waves didn't sweep him away.

The whole scene reminded me of the story of Peter's walking on the water.

²⁷But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

²⁸"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

²⁹"Come," he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. ³⁰But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

³¹Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" (Matthew 14)

Often times, God says to us "Do not be afraid; come" and we see God there before us, like the little boy could clearly see his parents in front of him. But we are afraid to step forward in faith because we see the waves, the situation, and the impossibility of getting through all those difficulties and trials. And so we waver and hesitate. We cry for God to come carry us but we linger at taking that first step towards Him. Sometimes we do take that first step, like Peter. But once we take it, suddenly our eyes shift to the actual situation and we lose our faith, our will, and our determination. And we doubt, and we fall.

I seem to do this a lot. I know God is calling and leading me to where He's at, but the situations that I have to go through seem so impossibly difficult, and I have a hard time taking that first step towards him. I believe the key to stepping out to where God is beckoning us towards is having the right focus. When our eyes are fixed on God (Heb 12:2), we can do anything, we know that God, our Lord and Savior, is beckoning us and no matter where or how we get there, we know that since He's leading us, He will not forsake us and He has good in store for us. However, our eyes are often not continuously fixed upon God. Our eyes wander, our hearts wander. We get caught up in trials and difficulties; we notice the waves and how threatening they seem to be. We get caught up in a lot of 'suppose's.' Suppose the waves carry me off into the sea and I drown? Suppose this situation becomes so bleak I lose everything I've ever held dear? Our minds are filled with doubts, with 'supposes' and 'what if's'. Our doubts and questions are all so irrational but still so very real. It's hard to trust in God, because that means we must let go of our trust in ourselves. We must let go of our thinking that we know what's best for us, and place our welfare and futures in the hands of God. Logically and rationally it should be so simple. Why wouldn't we completely and easily surrender our futures and situations to the Almighty, omniscient, and loving God who already knows our futures and the paths we shall take? But when it comes to actually doing it, it can be so difficult to let go of everything, and grasp onto nothing but God and His promises and wait for them to be fulfilled.

There was a story related to this in my qt's the other day:

I once met a poor woman who earned a meager living through hard domestic labor but was a joyful, triumphant Christian. Another Christian lady, who was quite sullen, said to her one day,"Nancy, I understand your happiness today, but I would think your future prospects would sober you. Suppose for instance, you experience a time of illness and are unable to work. Or suppose your present employers move away, and you cannot find work elsewhere. Or suppose-"

"Stop!" cried Nancy. "I never 'suppose.' 'The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want' [Ps. 23:1]. And besides," she added to her gloomy friend,"it's all that 'supposing' that's making you miserable. You'd better give that up and simply trust the LORD."

I really liked that story. I think I often fall into that trap of 'supposing.' My 'suppose's', worries, guesses, and hypothetical depressing situations for the future often hinder my joy in the present and my trust in God for the present. I'm learning to give all those questions, doubts, and fears up and simply trust in the Lord. To not be like the little boy in hesitating to run into his parents' open arms. To not focus on the waves, the waters, the bleak situations, but to fix my eyes upon God, to focus on Him, conquer my fears, and run straight through the waters, into His open arms.

To learn this, I've been trying to focus and act upon this verse in child-like faith:

Be content with what you have, because God has said,'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. So we say with confidence,'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'" (Heb. 13:5-6)

It's a simple truth. God will never leave us; He has never left me. But to really believe it and act on this truth is still a work in progress for me. I've made some progress in this area, but there are so many times that I still feel like that little boy, crying in desperation on the shore instead of running in with full confidence that God my Savior will catch me, but thank goodness God is patient with me, as I slowly, but surely make my way through the waters towards Him.