on transformation: joy

June 20, 2010

It's amazing the way God brings joy into our lives the moment we pray and ask for it. Over the last month, through self-reflection and reading my past journal entries from a few years ago, I've realized that the joy of the LORD has been sparse in my life throughout this year, and I miss it. I'm usually a pretty happy person, but there are always times when everything just crashes in on me, and my mind becomes filled with negativity, doubts, guilt, discouragement, &the like. And I had one of those days quite recently I suppose, and I decided to pray for joy and hope from God; I was honest about my frustrations and the hopeless feeling of not being able to fight against all that negativity and discouragement in my mind, and I prayed that God would somehow bring me outta that and give me joy. And God definitely answers prayers. I've been filled with such unexplainable joy lately and it's been awesome! I've had so many reminders and moments where I've just realized how blessed I truly am with the family and friends God has placed in my life. I've had the opportunity to have quite a few good, meaningful conversations (even fun webcam chat sessions) with people whom I really appreciate and now realize are such great sources of encouragement and support to me from God. What's made me even more joyful is the realization that God does not give up on me; that even though lately, through talks with the parents and lots of self reflection, I've realized there are so many areas of my character, personality, and life in general that I need to be transformed in, God will bring that transformation to completion within me. I've been so thankful that God has allowed me to realize these flaws and areas in which I need to work on, because now that they've come to my attention, I can set my mind to working with God on these areas, and I'm only 21, so I have plenty of time to grow, mature, and continually change into a more holy vessel through which God can be glorified. :)

My mom suggested that this summer I enrich myself more in learning about how to care and nurture the mind and so I've been reading these two books: one on how the mind is a battlefield and the other on the realm of relationships with people. They are surprisingly very related to one another. Both books have revealed to me areas that I am now aiming to grow in and be transformed in, and how to go about doing so.

I've been realizing more and more how the mind is a spiritual battlefield, how the devil longs to place negativity in our minds and thoughts, leading us to be discouraged or feeling hopeless, and these thoughts in turn lead to actions and words that not only harm ourselves but our relationships with the people around us. The book talks about how to have positive thoughts, and subsequently live a joyful and positive life that is hopeful in God, we must choose to have positive thoughts, and choose to not dwell on the negative but instead dispel them.

I feel that this is very true in my life. I often choose to think about worst case scenarios, and then worry, discourage, and stress myself out while feeling hopeless (even though those scenarios have not occurred yet...). While I may say that I am positive about a certain situation, or that I am placing my hope in God, what is actually going on in my mind is different, for it is always a bit harder to do what we actually say. For example, on grades. It's easy to say I don't worry about them, but to actually not worry about them in my mind, and not continually think, worry, or dwell on the possibility of failing (which never occurs anyway), can be quite difficult. But I've been learning to see things from a godly perspective, that yes, while my plans may go awry at times, I can still accept that with the positiveness and joy that comes from knowing that God is orchestrating my future and that He longs to be good to me in everything, and that He does not allow any negative situation go to waste on his child.

isaiah 30:18: Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you;

he rises to show you compassion.
For the LORD is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for him!

And so I've been seeking to think about and focus on the positive. To meditate and think about how God has given me so much to be thankful for, how He has blessed me with so much, and how looking back and realizing that God has always worked through every situation for my good, how could I not also find joy now in the fact that God will continue to lead and bless me in every situation, whether good or bad from our human perspective.

Philippians 4:8: ⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Thoughts in turn lead to actions, and actions lead to effects on our interactions with other people. I've been realizing more and more how one's family has such a huge impact on our thought processes as well as our responses to situations that come about and our interactions with other people.

"It is in the family," says Teodor Lidz,"that patterns of emotional reactivity develop and interpersonal relationships are established that pattern and color all subsequent relationships."

This quote is SO true. As I've been reflecting on this past year, I've increasingly noticed that my family experience has influenced me greatly in the ways I interact with people or the ways I respond to certain situations. It's been very interesting for me to go through certain scenarios that have come up in the past year, and figure out why it was that I reacted or responded in that way. I thought my family didn't influence much, but as I looked through my jr high and high school journal recently, I was surprised to realize and find recounts of scenarios with parents, brother, or friends that were probably the factors that led to a certain mindset being formed for certain situations or a set of responses that were formed to deal with other situations. I never use to think much about the 'why's concerning how I reacted or felt about certain situations, but now that I look back and consider the root from which those habits or mindsets stemmed from, I am intrigued by how greatly family and the past in general affects me today.

With that realization, I've been learning to change my mindset and perspective on certain situations when I know it needs to be changed. I've actually been very excited lately to have God transform me in the areas I know need to be transformed. I've been learning a lot about myself, but not only that, I've been gaining a better understanding of people in general too, and realizing why it is that friend A reacts that way under that situation, or why friend B feels that way when certain things are expressed. It's exciting because I know that in realizing these things about myself, I have the ability to consciously take measures to allow God to work in my life in those areas, and not just subconsciously allow the devil to have free rein with my thoughts and mindsets. And I know that as I learn more about myself and understand others, I will be able to better serve and love those around me and allow my relationships with other people become increasingly more genuine, smooth, and glorifying to God and edifying to one another. :)

Romans 8:5: ⁵Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.

May this verse become increasingly true in our lives as we increasingly seek to have God transform us!