goodbye 2012!
December 31, 2012
It's a couple hours before the new year. Crazy! Another year gone. 2012 was unlike any other, and yet like all the others. From the human perspective, 2012 was filled with fortunate and unfortunate situations. But from a spiritual perspective, I can say with full confidence that every situation was a blessing from God.
Academically, I had my hardest semester in my academic career. I wondered if I'd fail out of my program and if I could really handle the work load I had taken on. I heavily debated dropping a class. I struggled through each homework assignment. I probably broke down emotionally a few times. But by God's grace & power, I got through it all. And I didn't even just 'get through', I got really good grades. How?? I've got no idea. When I was studying for finals, I was amazed at how very literally God carried me through each week, each homework assignment, each test, and final project. Whenever I attribute this semester to God's grace, people think I'm just being humble, but I'm honestly not. It's just a fact - without God's grace, without His provision, without His strength, I would have quit. By His grace alone am I here - still in the program.
The year was full of surprises - both the ones you like having and the ones you wish you never had to have. I have many friends engaged - these are the happy and exciting surprises. But in the midst of those happy announcements, hearing things such as the Connecticut shooting, the theater shooting, the many people who got cancer, the sudden death of our gardener, and the near death experiences other people have - it hits a bit too close too home. It's made me realize how very unpredictable life is, how very ugly life on this side of eternity can be, and how very fleeting the things that us young adults chase after and revel and pride in are. Through it all, I'm still learning to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn and to fix my eyes on my Savior, through whom all things are redeemed and made glorious, and not on the circumstances that tempt me to despair, anger, and sorrow. I am learning to trust not just in God's sovereignty and His power, but ultimately in His wisdom in the way that He orchestrates circumstances, in the way that it is His timing and not mine, and in the way that ultimately my will and way is very rarely His will and way - and yet I must trust that He knows best.
At the end of 2012, I can say that I have all I want and all I need in Christ my Savior and Lord. He has given me more than enough -
A family that loves each other and that pursues after God wholeheartedly individually and together - this has been the biggest blessing and I thank God each day for this.
Friends who care and love me - what a surprise it is to know that you are loved and cared for more than you thought! What a treasure it is to have friends who can fight the spiritual battles with you and pray with you and understand and share in your ultimate Love.
A home church that loves as God loves. The love and generosity poured out by my home church astounds me. I am often a skeptic of human nature - it is difficult for me to generally believe that people would give without looking for return. But time and time again, my home church gives and loves, not looking for return, but simply because they love as Christ loves. There is a part of me that always wants to give back, to show gratitude in some concrete way, but there's so much love that I cannot possibly do that. It has humbled me to realize how much the body of Christ can love, and how much, ultimately, God does love, and how little and unnecessary and almost insulting of me to think that I could return anything for this great love poured upon me.
And more. so much more. The ministry opportunity I have in norcal. My discipler who challenges me and surprises me by demonstrating that there's not just one way to live out a godly life. My roommate with whom I can chat about the intersection between grad life & our Christian calling as well as just about anything else that comes up. My super comfortable apartment and extremely nice neighbors. Being financially blessed enough to have the ability to go on trips with friends! (yay Alaska & NY!)
God has been so very good to me this year. Silly as it sounds, I was quite overwhelmed with joy a few nights ago at just the thought of the flood of blessings I have received. I did nothing to deserve it, and yet God delights in blessing me and giving me gifts! If His grace were an ocean, I am indeed drowning in it. Through all the difficulties this year has presented, I can say with full faith that it is precisely because of those difficulties and trials that I am able to see and have the blessings. Without the unhappy surprises, our faith can be shallow and untested. Thank God that He cares more about our holiness than our happiness! That He cares more about the state of our souls and eternity than He does for our comfort in the present.
2012, you were a crazy year. I would have never imagined the way it turned out (nor, left to my own will, would I have ever planned it to be so)
2013 may bring in more surprises - both good & bad. But I know one thing - with God by my side, in front of me, behind me, all around me, I have nothing to fear for all is within His sovereignty, His power, and His wisdom.
With the goodness of God to desire [my] highest welfare, the wisdom of God to plan it, and the power of God to achieve it, what do [I] lack? Surely [I am] the most favored of all creatures.
It's a couple hours before the new year. Crazy! Another year gone. 2012 was unlike any other, and yet like all the others. From the human perspective, 2012 was filled with fortunate and unfortunate situations. But from a spiritual perspective, I can say with full confidence that every situation was a blessing from God.
Academically, I had my hardest semester in my academic career. I wondered if I'd fail out of my program and if I could really handle the work load I had taken on. I heavily debated dropping a class. I struggled through each homework assignment. I probably broke down emotionally a few times. But by God's grace & power, I got through it all. And I didn't even just 'get through', I got really good grades. How?? I've got no idea. When I was studying for finals, I was amazed at how very literally God carried me through each week, each homework assignment, each test, and final project. Whenever I attribute this semester to God's grace, people think I'm just being humble, but I'm honestly not. It's just a fact - without God's grace, without His provision, without His strength, I would have quit. By His grace alone am I here - still in the program.
The year was full of surprises - both the ones you like having and the ones you wish you never had to have. I have many friends engaged - these are the happy and exciting surprises. But in the midst of those happy announcements, hearing things such as the Connecticut shooting, the theater shooting, the many people who got cancer, the sudden death of our gardener, and the near death experiences other people have - it hits a bit too close too home. It's made me realize how very unpredictable life is, how very ugly life on this side of eternity can be, and how very fleeting the things that us young adults chase after and revel and pride in are. Through it all, I'm still learning to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn and to fix my eyes on my Savior, through whom all things are redeemed and made glorious, and not on the circumstances that tempt me to despair, anger, and sorrow. I am learning to trust not just in God's sovereignty and His power, but ultimately in His wisdom in the way that He orchestrates circumstances, in the way that it is His timing and not mine, and in the way that ultimately my will and way is very rarely His will and way - and yet I must trust that He knows best.
At the end of 2012, I can say that I have all I want and all I need in Christ my Savior and Lord. He has given me more than enough -
A family that loves each other and that pursues after God wholeheartedly individually and together - this has been the biggest blessing and I thank God each day for this.
Friends who care and love me - what a surprise it is to know that you are loved and cared for more than you thought! What a treasure it is to have friends who can fight the spiritual battles with you and pray with you and understand and share in your ultimate Love.
A home church that loves as God loves. The love and generosity poured out by my home church astounds me. I am often a skeptic of human nature - it is difficult for me to generally believe that people would give without looking for return. But time and time again, my home church gives and loves, not looking for return, but simply because they love as Christ loves. There is a part of me that always wants to give back, to show gratitude in some concrete way, but there's so much love that I cannot possibly do that. It has humbled me to realize how much the body of Christ can love, and how much, ultimately, God does love, and how little and unnecessary and almost insulting of me to think that I could return anything for this great love poured upon me.
And more. so much more. The ministry opportunity I have in norcal. My discipler who challenges me and surprises me by demonstrating that there's not just one way to live out a godly life. My roommate with whom I can chat about the intersection between grad life & our Christian calling as well as just about anything else that comes up. My super comfortable apartment and extremely nice neighbors. Being financially blessed enough to have the ability to go on trips with friends! (yay Alaska & NY!)
God has been so very good to me this year. Silly as it sounds, I was quite overwhelmed with joy a few nights ago at just the thought of the flood of blessings I have received. I did nothing to deserve it, and yet God delights in blessing me and giving me gifts! If His grace were an ocean, I am indeed drowning in it. Through all the difficulties this year has presented, I can say with full faith that it is precisely because of those difficulties and trials that I am able to see and have the blessings. Without the unhappy surprises, our faith can be shallow and untested. Thank God that He cares more about our holiness than our happiness! That He cares more about the state of our souls and eternity than He does for our comfort in the present.
2012, you were a crazy year. I would have never imagined the way it turned out (nor, left to my own will, would I have ever planned it to be so)
2013 may bring in more surprises - both good & bad. But I know one thing - with God by my side, in front of me, behind me, all around me, I have nothing to fear for all is within His sovereignty, His power, and His wisdom.
With the goodness of God to desire [my] highest welfare, the wisdom of God to plan it, and the power of God to achieve it, what do [I] lack? Surely [I am] the most favored of all creatures.
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