it's been awhile...

i probably shouldn't be posting. i mean, there are so many other things i should be doing: stat hws &studying for my two upcoming midterms. but really, i'm just overwhelmed by amount of work, but not so much stressed. is there a difference between the two? i think so. maybe. i am not stressed about getting good grades. but i'm overwhelmed by the amount of work that i know i will have to put in, otherwise i'll feel like a big fat slacker.

sometimes, my days are up &down. mostly up. because God is so great. but sometimes down, when i waver in my faith in His promises. when i waver in the hope that i know won't disappoint. it's kind of ironic isn't it? it's a battle btwn the flesh & the spirit.

i feel like im in between two worlds. do i feel lonely? no. but i do feel alone sometimes. i was listening to chuck swindoll's sermon on david today. &he was talking about jonathan being kindred in spirit & soul with david. &i realized that that is what i want. more people who are kindred with me in soul/spirit. but of course, it's also unrealistic, because, if you're lucky, you'll have about 3-4 of those. but if you're the normal, typical person, you'd probably have 1-2. & i already have those 1-2. but they are so far, distance wise.

&yet i cling fast to what He says "Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel-all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him." (1 kings 19:18) the verse gives me hope; makes me not despair. but at the same time, i sometimes find myself asking God, "where are these 7000?" i know there has to be. &yet because i rely so much on sight, i waver. sigh.

throughout last week, three verses have really stuck out to me.

2 corinthians 3:18-And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

i like this verse a lot. upcoming post on that verse probably. but yeah, day to day, i look at myself, and i sometimes despair cause of how slow my transformation seems to be. but at the same time, it's so exciting, that i am being transformed into his likeness. wow.

2 corinthians 4:17-18: for our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. so we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

i'm trying to fix my eyes on what is unseen. but i often get distracted by what i do see. but then God often beckons me to fix my eyes on Him again, and i feel peace again. because i know, that my God works for the good of those who love him.

2 corinthians 5:15: And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.

i need to repeat this to myself over & over again.

i'm not living for myself, not for my interests, not for my enjoyment. but i'm living for Him. His glory. yeah.

i wish i had more time.

then i'd post more.

cause i have so much that God's been teaching me.

& "his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. i am weary of holding it in; indeed, i cannot." (jeremiah 20:9)