our greatest fear/concern

May 27, 2013

We've been studying 1 Samuel in small group for awhile now, and I absolutely love it! There is so much depth & insight in these accounts and it brings up many issues that we struggle with on a daily basis and challenges us to consider what it is that we value and how is it that we react to the circumstances God places us in.

I recently noticed something about Saul that has caused me to reflect a lot more on my desires & my thought life. 

But Samuel said to him, "I will not go back with you. You have rejected the word of the LORD, and the LORD has rejected you as king over Israel!" .... Saul replied," I have sinned. But please honor me before the elders of my people and before Israel; come back with me, so that I may worship the LORD your God." (1 Samuel 15: 26, 30)
Now the Spirit of the LORD had departed from Saul (1 Samuel 16:14)
When Saul saw the Philistine army, he was afraid; terror filled his heart. (1 Samuel 28:5)

Saul seems to continually be on this trajectory towards rejecting obedience to God's word and rejecting God's way of doing things. It is interesting to me that even though God has rejected him as king (God takes away His anointing upon Saul and subsequently, the Spirit of God departs from him), Saul doesn't seem to care or fear that God has left him. Instead, he cares about what the people think -- asking Samuel to honor him before the people. He wants to do things in his way still -- wanting to worship God but not in the way God has so clearly stated to him. He later fears David as David gets more and more popular with the people. How terrifying it is that someone would care more about his reputation, his kingdom, his war conquests/victories, his achievements, etc. over the fact that God -- the Lord of heaven & earth -- has left him and rejected him.

The night before Saul dies, he sees the vast Philistine army, and he is afraid -- "terror filled his heart". And so out of desperation he goes to seek God. But why does he ultimately seek God? Because he is afraid of the army, of the upcoming war, he doesn't know what to do. These aren't bad reasons to seek God. But Saul's desperation is out of a fear of the army, never out of a realization that God has left him. And that makes a world of a difference in one's life. Given the option between being desperate because God has left you vs this enormous army before you, which would you be more desperate about? I must say that logically, it'd make sense to be more desperate & afraid of the former. 

What is it that we fear &care about? Is it our achievements? What people think of us? Our reputation? Or do we want God's presence in our lives more than anything else this world can offer to us? Do all things pale in comparison to the fact that God is with us. 

“The critical question for our generation – and for every generation – is this: If you could have Heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with Heaven, if Christ was not there?
- John Piper’s God Is The Gospel

This quote is a poignant reminder to me. What ultimately do I value & find my satisfaction in? As much as I may know that without God, everything else is tasteless & meaningless, does my life really reflect that? Or do I pursue after the fleeting pleasures of this life over Christ Himself? Do I seek my glory over His? Do I long above all to sit at His feet, dwell in His presence, and gaze upon His beauty? 

May God give me the power &grace by His Spirit to desire nothing but His presence, His glory, and nothing but to please Him in all things. May I taste so truly & fully the goodness & presence of God that all pales in comparison, so that my greatest fear and desperation would never come out of dire circumstances, what people think of me, etc., but that my greatest fear would be that I could ever prize or value anything above Him and His presence in my life.