merciless hypocrite, i am

September 7, 2010

--I wrote this back in January, but never posted it. I found it the other day, and it was a good reminder to me, so I'm just going to post it. :) --

Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners- of whom I am the worst. (1 Timothy 1:15)

Wow, if Paul was the worst of all sinners, I'm probably so sinful that I am no longer a 'sinner,' but a little demon. And some, would definitely agree to that.

But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. (1 Timothy 1:16)

Even though I am sinful, God continues to show grace and mercy to me, and He continues to love me unconditionally; and I do hope that one day, my life, my testimony will serve to display God's glory, love, and patience. That others may say "Wow, if God could put up with her and transform her, than there must be hope for me too."

And I believe we all do not realize the depth of our depravity at times, that we all are wretched sinners, in need of God's grace, mercy, and love. I don't believe we take the phrase "of whom I am the worst" very seriously. We know we are sinners, but we view our 'sinner' status to be lighter than others, than that next person over there, or who is praying here by my side.

And I believe, we must be careful in our perception of others. We may be the 'holiest' person, but if we're looking down at others and criticizing them and deeming them to be hopeless sinners who God must be very disappointed with, than we've become more in danger of hell's fire than they are.

For there are two things inside me, competing with the human self which I must try to become. they are the Animal self, and the Diabolical self. The Diabolical self is the worse of the two. That is why a cold, self righteous prig who goes regularly to church may be far nearer to hell than a prostitute. But of course, it is better to be neither. (CS Lewis, Mere Christianity)

And the difference between that 'cold, self righteous prig' and the 'prostitute' scares me. That a person can, outwardly, seem so pious: going to church regularly, praying, reading the Bible, no outward 'sins', and yet be closer to the fires of hell than a prostitute, who outwardly may be seeped in sin, but inwardly may be so pining for God's grace, love, and mercy that when given the opportunity, she'll give her entire lifestyle up and fall before God as a sinner.

I've been seeing this often in the lives of others as well as in mine, and it deeply troubles me. A lot of times, the things that bother a person are the very things that person has a problem with in his own life as well, and sometimes that person doesn't even realize it. But the people around that person, listening to that person complain about those other things, can see it oh so clearly. the irony, i know.

So, be careful about what you complain about. Before you complain or say something bad about others, reflect on yourself and think about whether or not those very things could be said of you too. If not, good! But before we all start thinking ourselves better than those sinners, let us reflect on our own long lists of sins (pride, envy, idolatry, etc) that we're still struggling with or that we're bearing the consequences of, and then consider how God knowing full well those dreadful sins of ours, knowing full well the depth of our depravity, still loves us, still extends His grace to us, and what's more, still gives us the opportunity to be a testimony of His goodness when we could very well give the name "Christian" a bad rep because of our sinful lives and terrible attitudes. Then, I believe, it'll be much easier to stop looking at the faults of others, and start praying for ourselves and for others, that God may work in us all, because often times, we'll realize, we're just as wretched as others. This, indeed, I am still learning to do and work out in my own life.

So, let us stop judging others as if we are better, stop judging from mere appearances, but let us make a right judgment for once (John 7:24).