To Be Peter or Judas

July 26, 2010

Peter and Judas. Two disciples who were with Jesus 24/7 for three years. Both betrayed Jesus in some sort of way. But two really different responses after their respective betrayals of Jesus. Peter/Judas comparisons have always intrigued me. I've heard a few sermons on these comparisons, such as how they came to Jesus with very different motives, how one came looking for a savior to follow, while the other came looking for a messiah to benefit himself, or how one was very smart in the worldly sense and ultimately relied on his own ways to try to benefit himself financially while the other was not smart in the worldly sense at all but relied on God and God was able to achieve great things through him.

The most intriguing comparison to me though is that of their respective responses after their betrayals of Jesus. Both were filled with remorse and guilt.

And [Peter] went outside and wept bitterly. (Luke 22:62)

When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse... (Matthew 27:3)

However Judas ended up committing suicide, while Peter went on to become one of the most influential apostle to the Jews. How is it that the outcome is so different? It's not like both came crawling back to Jesus, and Jesus sentenced one to death and the other to proclaim his name. No, I think the different outcomes and responses to their individual guilt came from altogether different understandings of who Jesus is and should be in their lives.

While the disciples all were a bit disillusioned as to how Jesus was going to be the Messiah, they at least had the correct idea that Jesus is the Messiah. Peter understood and knew Jesus to be a loving Savior who ultimately came to save. While he may or may not have understood that Jesus came to offer forgiveness and the washing away of all sins, at least he probably remembered when he had asked Jesus how many times he should forgive his neighbor, and Jesus had responded with a ridiculously large number. Either way, Peter, despite his deep feelings of regret and remorse, did not count himself so lost and guilty that God could not forgive him. Judas, on the other hand, found himself to be beyond forgiveness and saving. He did not grasp the ultimate knowledge that Jesus came to save all, including him.

You may disagree with what I have said in the above paragraph, after all, it's not like we actually knew what was going on in their heads. But I think Peter and Judas' different responses speak to me of two very important ideas that I believe we as Christians should all take seriously.

First is that, despite the fact that Peter and Judas were with (basically lived with) Jesus for those three years, despite the fact that they had basically all the same opportunities, the same miracles and wisdom shown/told to them by Jesus, their ultimate understanding and relationship with Jesus was quite different. This fact strikes me with much fear and trembling when it comes to me examining my Christian walk. May I be careful to never mistake having a great knowledge of Jesus, knowing the Bible from front to back, or being able to interpret the Bible as a measure of how much I personally know Jesus. I can have all that, and yet be so very far from knowing who Jesus ultimately came to be in my life. I think so often we of the Evangelical circle emphasize so much on Biblical knowledge (I definitely know I fall into that) that we are on the verge of replacing "relationship" with "knowledge about." Biblical knowledge and reading is very important, no doubt about that, for how else could we strive to start knowing and seeking God if we do not hear and study the words He speaks to us? But that is the thing, "hearing" and "studying" can ultimately end up as just accumulating knowledge, let us not forget to put every precious word into practice. When God says to come and seek Him, do we take the time out of our day to pray and turn our hearts toward Him? Asking Him to purify us of all our wills &desires, that He may alone come in and fill us? Even Jesus, God's own son, who had all the Biblical knowledge, still never ceased to spend time with his Father in prayer. This, I believe, is important in knowing God, to communicate with God, to hear him speak to us and for us to speak to him.

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. (Mark 1:35)

May we learn to seek not just knowledge about God, but God Himself, asking him to constantly reveal Himself to us that our hearts may truly know Him.

Second is on how we approach our sins. Feeling remorse is good, but am I like Judas in that I see myself as beyond the forgiveness, grace, and mercy of God, and so resist and refuse God's forgiveness? When I do so, I prevent myself from allowing God to work through my life to bring greater glory to His name; I prevent myself from allowing God to transform these sins and 'defects' in my life to be testimonies of His great love, mercy, and forgiveness available for everyone. Instead may we remember that if the greatest sin is that of killing God's only begotten Son, we have already done so, and not only that, but God has already carried out his marvelous plan of redemption that we may be forgiven and counted as righteous sons and daughters of God Himself; we must accept it though.

Pastor Soon Teck actually talked about this last sunday in his sermon. How God already knows all of our deepest secrets and darkest sins, and he has already accepted us in spite of that, and has extended to us forgiveness. A quote from CS Lewis describes this fact well:

His love and His knowledge are not distinct from one another, nor from Him. We could almost say He sees because He loves, and therefore loves although He sees. (A Grief Observed)

God loves although He sees our deepest sins, some sins we haven't even committed yet, but will in the future. May we not allow Satan to cripple us with his lies and our guilt; he would like nothing more than for us to be so crippled by our guilt that we render ourselves useless unto the service of God while also stripping ourselves of all the joy and life that God wants to give us. May we learn from Peter, who, despite his bitter remorse for denying Jesus, not only ran to see the empty tomb, but also jumped out of the boat first towards Jesus when realizing it was the resurrected Jesus standing at the shore (John 21:7). I do not think Peter just magically got over his guilt and deep regret; he may be a bit afraid of seeing Jesus again. But while he was probably not entirely sure of what Jesus' response would be to him, his certain belief and understanding that no matter the circumstances, what he needs and wants is Jesus Christ himself in his life is what may have led him running straight back to Jesus.

May we learn from Peter when it comes to our sins, our guilt, and our regrets. May we learn to repent, set aside our guilt, and run to Jesus who offers forgiveness, love, and mercy, instead of to the Devil who just piles on the guilt and lies. When we turn to the correct being in the midst of our sins and guilt, not only do we find freedom, but we find transformation brought upon our lives by a God who continually gives us beauty out of our ashes, gives us wretched sinners opportunities to glorify His name, and gives us abundant life, brimming with joy. May we in the midst of our sins and guilt go against our natural instincts, and run to the one we have sinned against, because He is the one who offers the forgiveness we so deeply need to begin the process of being made whole again.