&You loved a people undeserving

abundant blessings/crazyyy things overflowing everywhere! & so i must recap (for myself) or else i shall forget. God is epically amazing. i hate how i can't find any other word other than 'amazing.' (i've lost my gre vocab T_T) it's such an understatement.

>1. retreat: Can you hear Me now?

so retreat update is way overdue. but man, it was epic. the retreat's theme was basically to hear from God, & i believe many people did in one way or another. beside the fun stuff like getting to know the hs girls better &being encouraged by their genuine &pure desire to get real with God, it was awesome seeing 70+ asian kids jumping up &down during worship &worshipping from their heart. our retreat was from friday-monday, with monday really just being a day to clean up & drive home. friday & saturday, for me, was like any other typical retreat. msgs were good, worship was good, etc. &yeah, God's presence was there. but sunday night was when i could feel God there. in our midst, around us, in us, permeating, just EVERYWHERE! it was intense.

sunday night, during worship, i just spent some time praying for a variety of things. &as i prayed, &got caught up in that moment, i suddenly realized i was asking one question over & over again "why are You so real, God?" dumb question i know, cause duh, God is real. but really, i was so ridiculously awestruck by how real God is. how powerful &close He is. how real the spiritual realm is. how we're in a spiritual battle, &there are so many areas of our life that the devil can permeate without our knowing. &i was awestruck (scared? maybe?) by the idea that my prayers had weight. that God would be willing to listen to my prayers &reveal them powerful. that God would be willing to dwell in me & work through me. little, faithless, unclean, undeserving me. it boggles my mind. i cannot comprehend it. but then again, when have i ever been able to comprehend God's ways?

the major thing God reminded me at this retreat is that spiritual warfare is real. &there are many people putting themselves in harm's way without even realizing it. in every single area of our lives, if God isn't Lord over it, then the devil is. &if i want to give no foothold at all to satan &desire to be a useful &strong Christian soldier, then i am going to have to live by a higher standard. i've realized particularly that i need to really watch what i listen to/watch/say. during worship, songs (+the Holy Spirit) can move people to their knees. other songs can drive people to violence, sex, anger, or the like. that just shows how powerful songs can be &how songs really do affect one's spirit. &if we do not "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" then we're going to have a lot of junk in our minds.

so this year, i'm going to take seriously spiritual warfare &really seek to discipline myself &grow stronger spiritually so that when obvious times come where i need to stand & fight with prayer, i wouldn't shrink back in fear because i feel unprepared, small & weak.

>2. prayer: powerful weapon

prayer is sooo powerful. ever since i found my prayer journal that i started back in 2001 (it's got like 5 entries in it -_-) i've started keeping a prayer journal again. it's amazing the way God answers prayers. &i'm glad that now ill be able to remember how faithful God is time & time again. it's the beginning of the semester &i've seen answers to my prayers twice already. one is picking classes. i had been deciding btwn three courses as my final 3rd course. but after speaking to one of my profs (who is also chair of grad admissions ;]), she suggested i take stat 133. &wow, much better choice than any of my three (except maybe the bible lit class haha) but stat 133 is suppose to be on programming (i like!), easy, no required textbooks, no big final (final is 10%!!!) &adds to my statistics course repertoire (which grad schools like.) so win for all :D! i am waitlisted but i shoullldd be able to get in. :) !

&second is finals. i was suppose to have two finals on the second to last day, back to back (6 hours total T_T). and both those finals were for classes that would matter. buuuut, today, the prof of one class informed us that there is no final for the class! just a final project! better than a final. haha. okay that is all. i'm going to go read now

&i like "to know your name" by hillsong. we sang it a lot

Arrested by your truth and righteousness,
Your grace has overwhelmed my brokenness.
Convicted by your spirit, led by your word,
Your love will never fail, your love will never fail.

--

&You loved, You loved a people undeserving!